Letter to my Son

Letter to my Son or rather,

Dear men

I could have addressed this to my son,  but I would have left out my brothers, uncles, fathers, male friends, and Ex-boyfriends. It wouldn’t make sense. I could have written about anything and left this part for your father but he also needs to learn this before he meets mummy. This is one matter which calls for my adversarial attention. 

I don’t want you to be the kind of man I grew up seeing. These men used to prey on under-aged girls. Growing up in the high suburbs, we were sent to do errands, and passing through a group of boys chilling at a corner was terrifying. It was even more petrifying when they decide to approach you. As if that wasn’t enough we had uncles or sekuru’s who used to call us their wives. It always made me cringe when they playfully touch you and call you their wifey ummm yeah something along the culture lines huh?

I am writing this to you because the world doesn’t feel safe anymore, they make “rape culture” a trend. It’s a challenge to write this because I had to visit the childhood memories I had locked away. I had to remember the day I was almost raped by someone close to the family. Before we even stretch to rape there is something about Consent that I would like to explain.

According to the Oxford dictionary,  Consent means permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. When a girl says NO it should not be the beginning of negotiations. No is a complete sentence it requires no explanation or justification.  We often don’t like to hear the word no and sometimes girls are too nice when they are rejecting the same way men are too nice when they are coercing. Kissing, flirting, drinking, dating and silence are not Consent. Consent is a clear YES not the absence of a No. So when she says I’m not sure, not now, stop, not ready, crying all these mean No and it should be respected. Persistence does not prove love.

She is not dressing inappropriately, and her clothes aren’t inviting you to be intimate with her. You become a sexual predator when you see pleasure instead of a person when you forcefully touch and have sex with a woman without her Consent. Let this not be you, Son.

I will write this letter again in depth but please child treat women with respect, be kind to them, and make this world safe for all the women out there. Be a good leader and others will follow. Use the correct head to think. Don’t let this world get to you and don’t let it make you cold.

With Love
Mum