I have been thinking about love lately, who I want to marry, and how I want to be loved. I’m almost 30 I think I can gift myself a future mate this year lol. A lot of times I have been told you got high standards and the person that you want doesn’t exist. I don’t think my standards are high in comparison to what I offer. I’m the table they always ask about. 😆 Anyway, let’s get into it.
I put God first in my life, I try to live in a way that pleases him. So you being religious, Christian, or whatever doesn’t move me. I want you to have a relationship with God first before you have a relationship with me. Be a God-fearing man, and live in a morally right way. Be kind, and treat people with respect.
On that note, I want a man with a clear vision of us ;where we are going, and tell me where I fit in in your plans and life. I want you to be in control but not controlling. I want to count on you and depend on you. Be dominant, correct, and guide me when I am feeling lost. Give me pure masculinity, not this machismo behavior. No doubt I love marriage, coming home to someone, and doing this “life thing” with someone. Knowing that you aren’t alone, you have someone to share your joys and sorrows with; I think it provides security. It’s such a good feeling to have someone who supports you and who isn’t intimidated by your success and intelligence. I do not know if it’s a weakness but I question everything I just don’t like taking and following orders or being led anyhow. Be my leader, safe place, my home, my rest, and my heart.
I pray and hope you are a good communicator, the silent treatment is a hell-no, don’t assume things. I want you to be vocal, to listen, and remember things. Be calm do not yell at me. I kind of suck at expressing myself, words don’t come out easily, and emotions get the best of me. But that shouldn’t be a barrier I love to talk especially the “uncomfortable questions”. I want you to be vulnerable with me; let me be your hiding place and let’s share our nervous prayers together. There is nothing that I crave more than peace and security. Provide an environment that is safe for both of us. No sneaky and suspicious things. I don’t even want us to keep tabs or check each other phones unless we are laughing at memes. Be trustworthy and always be truthful.
I was reading the book Fascinating Womanhood and I realized that I am not in touch with my Human qualities as a woman according to the author. I had to pause and think that’s when I realized that me being the firstborn, and first granddaughter in the family I had the “eldest daughter syndrome”. Putting everyone before me, making sure that everything is set. I want to be in control. And this is something I am trying to unlearn. In every part of my life, I had to always show up strong so I would appreciate being treated with softness. Let me be the little girl I missed after turning five. Let my feminine energy flow naturally. I don’t want to be strong and defensive. Just let me be a toddler and a woman.
A tip I prefer the old-school kinda love, handwritten notes, picnics, walks in the park, real dates, and common sense. Lastly, you are about to meet the reason you couldn’t settle.
A public diary. 