Tomorrow will be the 20th of January, you would have been 26 years. I mean twenty-six, It’s hard to envisage. You are frozen in my memory at 23. I don’t know how to put down my emotions. Missing you is an understatement. Today everything is an illusion or I am experiencing derealization. A few minutes ago I couldn’t pray, I just said a few words maybe the tears did the praying.
So I just stood in my window and saw this beautiful sunset,
As the sun was setting I remembered the day you left. I remembered the moments we would laugh to the point of gasping for air. I remember the fights about clothes and dishes. I remember the visits to the hospital. I remember us going to the same school and every day you would come to ask for money or food. I remember when you used to spend your busfare for the whole week on a Monday. I remember how you would dream of me whenever I was not okay. I don’t know how to ask for help; you used to do that on my behalf.
Look when I write or talk about you the world gets to know that I just didn’t lose a sibling, I lost my guardian angel, I lost a protector and a mouthpiece. I lost someone who absorbed my emotions and helped me get through difficult times. I hope we will see each other again in a place where clocks don’t tick. I will carry you with me till I see you again.
Happy heavenly birthday Tariā£ļø.
A public diary. 