What are the most important things needed to live a good life?
Self acceptance this includes coming to terms with your failures and weakness as well as accepting your current stage in life. Self care a positive mind, healthy meals and enough sleeping hours. Owww and Love I mean proper, healthy relationships.
I spent most of my time in my head, so I can literally say with my 5 different personalities.
What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
I would describe this as having fulfiment in the most important areas of my life for a example in Finances , In relationships and a good health. I think it is attainable. I am optimistic.
They say grief comes in stages and Acceptance is the last of them, people often say it as if the five stages happen in a particular order. No, grief is random. Some days are better than others. I have always wanted to write a memoir for you Ta’ but I have been scared of the meltdown and I do not think there are words that can really describe the agony and pain of losing you
My world went dark on the 6th of November, I was waiting for you to respond to my Whatsapp text you said, “ I’m praying I can’t talk now”. I was praying with you, for you to get well so that you start your first job. A few minutes later I texted you asking if you were done, something in me told me you were gone. I remember the previous night I had asked a friend to chat with me because I was feeling alone, It was a strange feeling. I didn’t want to believe what my gut was telling me because I was praying and fasting, talking to God about you. And how can God take you at that particular time, to this day I still have questions.
Around 5 am, Dad called, my hands were already trembling because I knew. It was a very short call. That was the first time I saw the old man crying and I could hear Mum screaming. I don’t know how the call ended, the next thing I remember; I was sitting on the floor in a clustered room gasping for air. At some point it’s like time froze, I felt dizzy I was shaking and numb. Later my friends came to pick me up, I must have traumatized them, and I am keeping them in my life because they really hold me down.
Everything changed when you died, I couldn’t recognize our parents anymore, and the other two rats you left for me. Kayla talks about you sometimes, she told me to listen to a song by Feli Nandi “Unotyei”. I am not sure if she really knows what happened. Nigel is starting school. We are trying to pick ourselves up. We are learning to live with the pain.
I haven’t heard your voice for almost 3 years now but my heart has conversations with you every day. I talk to my loved ones about you because you deserve to be remembered. You reminded me of God’s greatness and in your death I still see God. Yes, there was a time I was angry, bitter, and felt really lost. Anxiety and panic attacks became my norm. My blood pressure was always high my Doctor feared that I was going to get a heart attack. I remember there were days I would just roll myself and cry out in agony for hours till I start gasping for air. I couldn’t control it guess this is the price we pay for love. And you my friend I love you dearly.
If there is anything that brings me peace is knowing that you are resting and free from pain. And you knew how much I loved you there was nothing I wouldn’t do for you Tarie. Time was never on our side but we will love again in a place where clocks don’t tick. I am sorry I couldn’t say goodbye🥹.
I will learn to live in the sunshine of your life instead of the dark shadows of your death. I will be your legacy, your voice. I love you and I miss you so bad.
Continue to rest in peace mwana wamai vangu,♥️🕊️
I have been thinking about love lately, who I want to marry, and how I want to be loved. I’m almost 30 I think I can gift myself a future mate this year lol. A lot of times I have been told you got high standards and the person that you want doesn’t exist. I don’t think my standards are high in comparison to what I offer. I’m the table they always ask about. 😆 Anyway, let’s get into it.
I put God first in my life, I try to live in a way that pleases him. So you being religious, Christian, or whatever doesn’t move me. I want you to have a relationship with God first before you have a relationship with me. Be a God-fearing man, and live in a morally right way. Be kind, and treat people with respect.
On that note, I want a man with a clear vision of us ;where we are going, and tell me where I fit in in your plans and life. I want you to be in control but not controlling. I want to count on you and depend on you. Be dominant, correct, and guide me when I am feeling lost. Give me pure masculinity, not this machismo behavior. No doubt I love marriage, coming home to someone, and doing this “life thing” with someone. Knowing that you aren’t alone, you have someone to share your joys and sorrows with; I think it provides security. It’s such a good feeling to have someone who supports you and who isn’t intimidated by your success and intelligence. I do not know if it’s a weakness but I question everything I just don’t like taking and following orders or being led anyhow. Be my leader, safe place, my home, my rest, and my heart.
I pray and hope you are a good communicator, the silent treatment is a hell-no, don’t assume things. I want you to be vocal, to listen, and remember things. Be calm do not yell at me. I kind of suck at expressing myself, words don’t come out easily, and emotions get the best of me. But that shouldn’t be a barrier I love to talk especially the “uncomfortable questions”. I want you to be vulnerable with me; let me be your hiding place and let’s share our nervous prayers together. There is nothing that I crave more than peace and security. Provide an environment that is safe for both of us. No sneaky and suspicious things. I don’t even want us to keep tabs or check each other phones unless we are laughing at memes. Be trustworthy and always be truthful.
I was reading the book Fascinating Womanhood and I realized that I am not in touch with my Human qualities as a woman according to the author. I had to pause and think that’s when I realized that me being the firstborn, and first granddaughter in the family I had the “eldest daughter syndrome”. Putting everyone before me, making sure that everything is set. I want to be in control. And this is something I am trying to unlearn. In every part of my life, I had to always show up strong so I would appreciate being treated with softness. Let me be the little girl I missed after turning five. Let my feminine energy flow naturally. I don’t want to be strong and defensive. Just let me be a toddler and a woman.
A tip I prefer the old-school kinda love, handwritten notes, picnics, walks in the park, real dates, and common sense. Lastly, you are about to meet the reason you couldn’t settle.
Letter to my Son or rather,
Dear men
I could have addressed this to my son, but I would have left out my brothers, uncles, fathers, male friends, and Ex-boyfriends. It wouldn’t make sense. I could have written about anything and left this part for your father but he also needs to learn this before he meets mummy. This is one matter which calls for my adversarial attention.
I don’t want you to be the kind of man I grew up seeing. These men used to prey on under-aged girls. Growing up in the high suburbs, we were sent to do errands, and passing through a group of boys chilling at a corner was terrifying. It was even more petrifying when they decide to approach you. As if that wasn’t enough we had uncles or sekuru’s who used to call us their wives. It always made me cringe when they playfully touch you and call you their wifey ummm yeah something along the culture lines huh?
I am writing this to you because the world doesn’t feel safe anymore, they make “rape culture” a trend. It’s a challenge to write this because I had to visit the childhood memories I had locked away. I had to remember the day I was almost raped by someone close to the family. Before we even stretch to rape there is something about Consent that I would like to explain.
According to the Oxford dictionary, Consent means permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. When a girl says NO it should not be the beginning of negotiations. No is a complete sentence it requires no explanation or justification. We often don’t like to hear the word no and sometimes girls are too nice when they are rejecting the same way men are too nice when they are coercing. Kissing, flirting, drinking, dating and silence are not Consent. Consent is a clear YES not the absence of a No. So when she says I’m not sure, not now, stop, not ready, crying all these mean No and it should be respected. Persistence does not prove love.
She is not dressing inappropriately, and her clothes aren’t inviting you to be intimate with her. You become a sexual predator when you see pleasure instead of a person when you forcefully touch and have sex with a woman without her Consent. Let this not be you, Son.
I will write this letter again in depth but please child treat women with respect, be kind to them, and make this world safe for all the women out there. Be a good leader and others will follow. Use the correct head to think. Don’t let this world get to you and don’t let it make you cold.
With Love
Mum
Who are your favorite people to be around?
I love me some me
I have spent most of time alone in my life, and I absolutely love my company. The nature of my job demands me to be social, a bit outgoing. I don’t like crowds. I play music and dance alone. I visit parks and go to restaurants alone. I sleep alone too.
This is literally my everyday expression whenever someone stares at my hair for more than 5 seconds. I definitely know a bunch of questions is coming up, yeah let me put a banter so you know what I’m talking about.
Them: wow a new hairstyle again
Me: yeah but in my mind, it’s like duh Im black and creative, don’t ask anything.
Them: Is this your hair or you had to buy fake hair and glue it.
Me: This is my hair I just decided to let it breath
Them: Can you wash it, how do you sleep at night, how long will it stay in your head
My brain: But I just said it’s my hair????
Them: Well must be hard keeping your hair like this blaaaaaaah, Can I touch it?
My brain: Holy spirit activate.
The most annoying thing is that the “can I touch it” question is accompanied by action. How, and why would you find it Okay to touch someone’s hair. We aren’t going to make it a race thing, I understand that sometimes people are just curious and sometimes ignorant.
You can compliment my hair if you like it I can compliment yours if I like it. But let’s operate under the mutually respectful agreement that touching is off the limit.
My hair is my crown, and my jewelry how I choose to wear it on that particular day shouldn’t be a topic for the day.
I remember this other day I went to work wearing my afro. I have 4C type of hair the one they call kinky, nappy, or bushy. Upon seeing my hair my colleague screamed wow that’s a lot of hair that looks like a mop and she was already touching it. Yep, that’s what she said that’s what she did. I had to go outside and breathe, then later addressed the issue. I was not impressed at all. She justified her ignorance and started talking about neatness blablabla the so-called “beauty standards” I told her my hair is different from hers because I was BLACK and African and it does not interfere with my work it shouldn’t be a discussion. I didn’t fuss about her purple hair why was my afro such a big deal?
These are some of the things black girls have to endure. Black women are criticized no matter what they wear on their heads might be natural hair, relaxed hair, wigs, or bonnets. It really doesn’t matter. Your black your hair doesn’t need to be fixed, Society’s view of beauty is what`s broken. May your curls grow and your skin glow.
Happy black history month.
I guess the band Chicago had it right when they penned that song, they asked the perfect question. Our entire universe is subject to a bit of a constant clock, I mean it goes tick-tock all the time. I don’t think that the clock will be ticking it’s your life Sweetie’. To answer that question I would say it’s time to do something that you have always wanted to do. Don’t wait, the time is never right maybe that’s why I am writing this article with absolutely no clue or experience in writing but a girl has to vent. I refuse to leave the universe without a trace.
Clocks and calendars do not know the time either. Time is always existential. It’s a strange thing to think that we control time by simply moving a clock up or back an hour, they call it “daylight saving”. I wish we could do the same with our time, maybe freeze it for an hour so that we can say goodbye to our loved ones so that we can manage to catch that train or bus or maybe to avoid that accident or maybe to rewrite and finish that exam that we failed. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that, we can’t regain time lost.
In my line of work time of Birth and Time of Death is really important to record, it is used for different important purposes. In birth, it determines the Apgar score which is repeated five minutes later but we are not going to talk about my work it feels like another shift. My point here is Time doesn’t care about anything. It doesn’t care if you are a newborn, teenager or hundred years. Time is like a bomb that can explode at any moment and that moment is death. It won’t stop even after you die, Please if you still have the chance to live your life better start living in the moment now.
Yes, we can’t regain lost time; we can’t be children again, college kids again nor are we able to see our loved ones that have departed from us. The best phase of your life is now if you want it to be, don’t mull over the past life and forget the regrets. Make use of what is left, the relationships that you have now and do everything that you have always wanted to do. I did it. I wrote this article. I have been dragging to put my first article. I was actually scared. I think I finally know the answer to that Song.
It’s time to say Yes to the things that bring you joy and No to the things that don’t.
A public diary.