Waiting

I recently read A thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosein; there is quote that really cut me deep. It reads, “Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.”  

I live in Germany and I use public transport and that means sometimes I have to wait for an hour or even more if the train don’t show up. On good days I uber home if its close because I hate waiting. But most days I have to endure it, lucky me my hobby saves me the frustration of checking the clock. I always have a book or my kindle with me.  

The quote reflects the profound impact of waiting on individuals, particularly in the context of hardship and adversity.  
In the book Tariq waited and followed Laila to the end of the world. I have a different take on waiting especially for “Individuals” or love per se. Yes, Hollywood movies have showed us that when it comes to love persistence pays off. Sometimes it does but what of the times it doesn’t. What happens to the people that wait for love, for change, for life to be better and then it never gets better. What is their reward? In heaven? 
In the book Mariam was born out of wedlock, her destiny was already determined. In the end she was beheaded for killing her abusive husband.  

When it comes to love, I can say wait for the one, but do not wait for someone to become the one; sometimes, they will never. If you can weigh the situation, I don’t know which yardstick you are going to use because people move funny. There is absolutely no reward in suffering, especially for a love that seems uncertain.  

A little life

My Besty called me yesterday, and we talked for a long time on the phone. It started with updates on the latest gossip at home and the conversation switched to something deep. A heart-to-heart like the old days. It was heavy but nothing I couldn’t handle. I admire his emotional intelligence. I lost my sister and he lost a best friend too. In everything that went down in his life he did not reach out because he didnt want to burden me. I get that part but, I still deserved to know. I am glad he is now in a better place and his family too.

You know, this life thing is hard for everyone. Everyone is fighting a battle you do not know. I am currently working in a psychiatric unit. I stare at my patients when they are not looking. I keep asking myself what went wrong. How did you end up here? I honestly do not want to know everything, but my heart breaks. Then I remembered that at some point in my life, my mental health was bad, but God came through for me when all hope was lost. I guess “We’re all crazy, I believe, just in different ways.” But be Kind.

I wish everyone can get hold of the book by Viktor E Frankl, “Man’s search for meaning. Its my favorite book that helped me so much and I am just going to wrap it up with my favorite quotes.

“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering.”
“But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.”

Rome and Santorin got my heart.

What cities do you want to visit?

I would like to visit Madrid, I have been to Spain before but not really in the city.

My man doesn’t know this yet but he is going to pay for our trip to Greece Santorini for our anniversary . The views are to die for.

Lastly I would like to visit Nyanga in Zimbabwe,this time not with my family like our tradition but with the loml. This is going to be my treat. The Troutbeck Resort,the sky walk and the Mutarazi falls😭😊 . I love Nyanga so much!

No lazy days in a Capitalist country

Daily writing prompt
Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?
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How do we define lazy days in this economy? I am a nurse in a capitalist country. I live at work and visit my apartment. I am rarely free and when I have a free day I am constantly thinking about work. It’s insane. I have a colleague who always shows up at work even on her free days. It’s so sad. We can’t afford to have lazy days and when we do we; that’s when we have to catch up with friends and family, appointments, groceries, and cleaning just to mention a few things. So lazy days do not exist where I live. Whoever designed this system

“I got my things and left”

well, that was Marechera in House of hunger. I didn’t have much to carry but just a mind full of dreams and ambitions.  
Today marks 6 years since I left my home country involuntarily. Everything happened so fast a part of me wasn’t ready but there is a saying, “There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now, and you may as well do it now.”  

So, this is me standing at that “Departure” gate with my family. A part of me wanted to run away and go back home and but the thought of being Independent and finally affording what I want really want excited me. Never in my life had I dreamt or imagined living without my family because I am such a “I want my mom” or “Daddy this” kind of girl. But here was I, so optimistic that in the next three years I will be owning a Range Rover. Laugh with me because It’s still in the shop.  
Little did I know that was my final goodbye to my sister. Everything starts to make sense now. The last days she was extremely clingy, she would just budge in my room for no reason. She would wait for me doing nothing something she never did. She was so reticent the day I left. If only I knew I could have never left. 

I cried the entire 18 hours of my flight; I think I traumatised the guy who was sitting next to me. Not to mention that he ran out of tissues. I landed in Düsseldorf with a dreadful feeling like something wrong is about to happen. I had my first sleep paralysis in German. It was horrifying.  

I wish I could go into details of my experience but I haven’t told my family yet and I do not want my parents to come and fetch me here before I am done “being miss Independent” 
I can roughly say I have learnt so much about life in the past 6 years than I did my whole life. I mourned my sister, my uncles, childhood friends alone in my apartment. I struggled with grief and anxiety alone. At some point I was extremely ill and I was one of the people to catch the first wave of Covid 19. It was terrible. I was bedridden for 20 days straight, I couldn’t eat or do anything. I am even teary writing this. It was hell. And I also lost my job at some point. Imagine losing your only source of income in a foreign land. I just couldn’t tell my parents; they had just lost their daughter and my 2 uncles.  I had to fight my demons and I am glad I lived to tell the story. God is faithful.  

At some point I worked at hospice with my friend. Looking back man we were just kids ok maybe little adults. We had no business getting used to death like that. We had no experience and this was our “voluntary year” and of all the places how did we end up in a hospice nhai Faffie ? Did I mention that we were the first black people to work and live in that small village. I dreaded going out because people would pop their heads on window and stare at us. The racism was hell, let’s not go down that road. 

Enough of the sob stories. German has taught me to be rude without being rude. To stand up for myself and to tell people to get away respectfully. You can throw me in any jungle and I will survive. 

My Spiritual life

Daily writing prompt
What details of your life could you pay more attention to?
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I could pay attention to my Spiritual life. I am a very spiritual person. I believe there is someone higher than me and that is God and I so believe in the teaching of Jesus Christ. Spiritual life refers to the aspect of human existence that involves seeking meaning, purpose, connection, and transcendence beyond the material or physical world.

I want a personal relationship with God. Apostole Paul said, “I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death” Philippians 3:10. I do have a relationship with God but I want it surpass what I have now. I do not want to be moved by my feelings, I want to constantly nurture it,constantly show up.

We often mistake religion for spirituality. Well in my case I am both religious and spiritual. I live according to a set of rules and commandments written in the Bible. Do I follow them all, No I just lashed at my boss for changing the duty roaster without informing me. But here is the thing; I want to be able to do better next time and probably apologize tomorrow when I see her and not look on the other side. True spirituality is found in the heart and actions not in a temple or church.

Alexa skip to Friday

Daily writing prompt
What’s your #1 priority tomorrow?
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I mean Daily Prompt can wait before reminding us about Monday. Some of us are still surviving Sunday. Sunday shifts are so draining. I had an early shift today and I am so tired, I walked 5 kilometres by the way. Yeah It’s part of my job. So what awaits for Monday, I have no priorities but to ; Check vitals,blood work,administer medication,hold my pee for 4 hours and a have mini break. Something along those lines. Did I mention keeping a straight face to racists patients and nosy collegues.

May you have a blessed Monday and a fruitful week.

Man’s search for Meaning

Book Review
Let it be known that this is my favourite book. I was in a very dark place when I stumbled upon this book. I had just lost my sister and nothing made sense. The pain was unbearable.   
Viktor E Frankl was an Austrian Neurologist and Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor.  The book consists of two parts. The first part is a short autobiography of his time in the concentration camps, as he experienced it as a logo therapist. The second part of the book is an introduction to his therapeutic doctrine of Logotherapy.  

This book will make you ponder about the meaning of life in general, and about the meaning of suffering in particular. I always ask why bad things happen to good people. I got the best answer from this book. 
This book made me realise that as humans we bound to suffer but what’s important is how we react to our suffering. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and your reaction to that particular situation. 

These are some of the wise words that have lingered with me after reading this profound book of wisdom and insight into human life.  
 
“Live as if you were living for the second time and had acted as wrongly the first time as you are about to act now.”   

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.” 

“There is only one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings.” 
 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation . . . we are challenged to change ourselves.” 
“He who knows the ‘why’ for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any ‘how. ‘” 
 

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” 

“But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.” 

I reread this book once in a while to remind myself of the importance of hope and how it can help a human being to overcome one of the most harrowing experiences that humankind has ever witnessed on this planet. 


Charcoal Pancakes

Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.

Well I didn’t know they existed but this was my version of them.

Charcoal Pancakes

So back home we have our own version of Bread, we call it Chimodho. Haaa that one I can bake it in my sleep. It looks like this;

Chimodho

Once upon a time I made a chocolate cake that was so heavy 😭. I cried so bad because what in the worst of ingredients was that. The cake was yummy but it wasn’t just fluffy 😌

The heavy black forest